My street became a one-way street, which is actually a good thing. We needed it to be this way. But it can still be annoying when I have to go all the way around to get where I need to go. One day as I put the car into drive, I inwardly groaned as I thought about driving all the way around the street. And then I thought that really, this is life.
Life is a one-way street, and the only way to go is the way that Hashem sends me. It might be mountainous. It might be twisty or really rough. But if I decide to go the other way, I will be going backward, and going backward will send me crashing and really spinning out of control.
As I maneuvered out of my spot and started driving, I thought of my road that Hashem has given me to travel. I think I am going forward, even if my pace is a bit slow.
I know that sometimes I fall. And sometimes I have to go all the way around again. It might be frustrating, but it isn’t the same as going backward because it helps me progress and get closer to my destination.
Just this morning I had that experience. I so badly want to trust in Hashem in every way. When small things don’t go my way, I want to accept. I don’t want to fill up with that anger that can overtake me. I want to just say, “Okay, this is bashert.” I think I have come a long way. But I still have an exceedingly long way to go. I know that it’s a lifetime of work. It never really ends.
This morning I discovered that my landline wasn’t working a moment before I saw that my internet was down as well. I was so frustrated. I wanted to call Optimum, but somehow the bill disappeared. I couldn’t get the number online because I couldn’t get on to the internet. And then I saw a message that it can take two to three hours to restore service. At that point, I felt this anxiety completely overtake me. I don’t know why. I didn’t even need my internet yet. And I had my cell phone instead of my house phone.
So as my body was filling up with frustration, my brain was yelling, “Calm down. This is from Hashem. You will have your internet when Hashem wants you to. You are fine without it. Just accept.” But I couldn’t.
I knew that once I calmed down I would be upset at my reaction. I knew that it was so wrong. And it’s not who I want to be.
I finally figured out how to call Optimum. I felt better. And then I thought of my one-way street. Life goes one way. But sometimes I have to go back and all the way around. That is part of my avodah, whether in a car or in real life. I didn’t go straight today. I went in a roundabout way. And that is okay because it wasn’t backward. It was just a little circuitous, and I came back to where I had left off.
So thanks to the township. Not only for making my street easier to drive on, but for helping me to see that life’s road sometimes takes you in a roundabout way. And that is okay because it will still get me to the right destination.