A Heartfelt Dream
I have a dream. It changes from time to time. Sometimes it’s a dream of doing something massive l’iluy nishmas my parents and siblings, such as writing a Sefer Torah or donating enough money to build a yeshivah. Sometimes the dream is smaller, such as making small donations to different tzedakah organizations or even donating a few siddurim to a shul. Sometimes my dream is somewhere in the middle of the two, such as sending out a mailing with a nice magnet that says a passuk reminding the world who my family was.
But as of now, my dreams remain dreams.
When Terrorists Changed Her Life
Mrs. Sherri Mandell didn’t have any such dreams. She had a beautiful family and a very regular life. And then her world shattered. Her son Koby, an eighth grader, decided to skip school one day and have fun outdoors with a friend. It was a typical teen choice that really shouldn’t have resulted in anything more dramatic than a minor punishment from his school or parents. Or so he thought.
As the boys were hiking not far from home, Arab terrorists took out their hatred on these two innocent school boys, murdering them in cold blood.
The Koby Mandell Foundation is Born
Mrs. Mandell thought her life was over. She was sure there was no way she could go on, and no way she would ever feel like a semi-normal person again. But then, through her pain, she saw a need. She saw a need for more support for parents that lost children, for children that lost siblings and for anyone that experienced loss. She suddenly had a dream and told herself, “It’s up to me to make it happen.” Slowly she began reaching out to those who needed help. Eventually she created an organization, which she named The Koby Mandell Foundation, after her son. She put her soul into it, refining and enhancing the programs and resources for the bereaved.
Mrs. Mandell also realized that siblings are often overlooked when it comes to mourning. Everyone feels so bad for the parents, but forget about the siblings who can also be completely heartbroken. With that in mind, Mrs. Mandell and her husband opened a camp. The requirements? Campers had to have lost a sibling. Their camp is a place focused on giving young children good, wholesome fun. But it is a place where they can feel normal because other children just like them are also grieving.
The Foundation Expands
One day Mrs. Mandell was talking to a bereaved mother who shared that she was so busy taking care of her family that she could never make time for herself to grieve. The Mandells realized that parents could benefit from a retreat. Mr. and Mrs. Mandell worked to make that happen. They knew their fellow parents’ pain and wanted to be there for them.
And the Book She Wrote
Mrs. Mandell is well known for the book she wrote, The Blessing of a Broken Heart. It’s about her grief, her growth and her resilience. Throughout the book she weaves in stories of hope and inspiration. What Mrs. Mandel has written and created shows us that no matter how much pain a person feels, we are resilient. We can take the pain and we can grow from it. It is hard. It does hurt. But we can still accomplish so much.
She shares the story of the time she ran into the grocery store for a few items. There she met an acquaintance who said to her, “You know, whenever I have a bad day, I think of you, and then I know my day isn’t so bad.” Mrs. Mandell was horrified. Really? Do you have to rub my tragedy in my face like that?
When she came home and repeated the comment to her son, he said, “No, Ima, what she was saying was that she sees how you were able to rise from such a terrible thing and that gives her strength to keep on going. She probably just didn’t know how to say it.”
Maybe yes, or maybe not. But from then on, Sherri began trying to look at such comments in a positive light. Her attitude is: Let’s grow from the pain.
Sharing Her Growth on the Relief from Grief Podcast
On the Relief from Grief podcast, she explains what happened to her as “disintegrating.” In simple words, she fell apart. She was completely shattered. She says, “I felt like I also died. I certainly wanted to die.” Looking back, however, she sees her growth. After disintegrating, she slowly climbed back and began again. Most people, no matter what hardships they’ve faced, don’t want to stay in a shattered state, but the life they knew might not exist anymore. As Sherri explains, “Our old life ended. We were never going back to that life.” And in her new life, there is a place that always carries the pain. But even with the pain, she grew and built.
I am sure that many of you can relate to the disintegrating part and to facing a new life. I don’t know all the dynamics of your challenge. I don’t know all the pain and confusion it may be causing you. I don’t know what kind of disintegrating and shattered process you are going through. But I do know that Mrs. Sherri Mandell gives us hope. Lots of it.
Tap into the Resilience We All Have
Sherri relates, “It is twenty years since my son Koby died. It still hurts.” But she knows that during that time, she rebuilt. In her writing, in her speeches and on this podcast, she gives us the messages of resilience through pain. And we all have that resilience. Let’s tap into it.
Reprinted with permission from Links Magazine.
Chevrah Lomdei Mishnah / The Society for Mishnah Study is a 501(c)3 non-profit organization dedicated to providing loved ones eternal merit through Torah Study and Prayer.
